That's Not a Press Conference, This is a Press Conference!
First up, all the news on my new show Opium, coming soon to the Spiegelworld Ballroom at The Cosmo! This place is so fancy, right? We don’t have casinos like this down under in Burrumbuttock. Last Wednesday night I went out, trading show tickets to score some tucker. Started with a gin and tonic at Jose’s and they dropped an ice cube in my drink the shape of a cricket ball! For Chris Hemsworth’s sake, I just about broke my nose with every sip. This Spaniard also does Chinese dumplings on the next floor down at China Poblana. He’s a master and I can’t wait to get him throwing some shrimp on the barbie for the Opium cast. Well Momofuku mate! If I didn’t end the night totally sauced on Hibiki down at Changy’s joint!
The next day I surfaced at midday and held a press conference to reveal my new Opium show poster at The Chandelier Bar. Auditions have been slow and I didn’t have a cast to announce so what in the name of Naomi Watts was I going to do? Katsy turned up looking for a scoop so I gave him a bum-steer. Then the Prez arrived. Bill McBeath, what a gent; and a lover of comedy. Hoping we can get some rodeo into the new show, Wild Bill! Luckily a bunch of random idiots emerged from the desert at the last minute and threw on a bit of entertainment for the gathered ladies and gentlemen of the media. Maybe they’ll agree to be in my show.
Word on the Strip
Intel from my mate The Gazillionaire is that Absinthe is about to be ripped off at the lonely third floor sexy club formerly known as The Act. This comes as The Venetian announced the closing of their new show Revive which is remarkable given they hadn’t even announced the opening. Crikey, Vegas is tough! I guess it saves Katsy having to scribble outta a zapper. Meanwhile I hear a whisper that Cirque du Soleil is going to put on a dinner show on the Strip. Just the other week I caught the Greyhound to check out their current ‘shnitz & tits’ show down in Mexico. For a bunch of frenchy-carnies, they sure know how to make a great taco! And former Cosmo Prez John Unwin and great mate of The Gaz is heading north to Fontainebleau; normally John heads north to Alaska with The Gaz to fish for salmon. Now he’s going to open a new OTB shop in the former shell of the FB. Gaz was meant to open Absinthe there in 2009 but his buddies James and Jeff went BK. Will the Gaz head north for a new edition of Absinthe?
Q. Meanwhile, which music industry Topper loves hitting the Strip with his mate Jigger for a TSN (terrible show night) – and what show are they seeing this week? First correct answer wins two tickets to Opium in the Impresario’s Reserve booth with me! Email me HMH@Spiegelworld.com
OPIUM by Spiegelworld commences previews at The Cosmopolitan of Las Vegas on March 13. Tickets are on sale now at www.opiumvegas.com. Reserved category tickets are available at the special price of $30 using promo code VEGAS.
Harry M. Howie is a fictional character created by Spiegelworld who submits satirical columns to Best Of Las Vegas for the amusement of our readers. If you’re not amused, just remember, this really is #fakenews. This article was presented and sponsored by Spiegelworld.